'True Beauty': Survival of the Fittest

Moniquesantiago_truebeauty_240True Beauty is supposed to be catching people acting like jerks with trickery and hidden cameras. Instead, the contestants seem to act like normal people when the cameras aren't there, but they act like total tools when the cameras are in plain sight. Hmm... could it be because they're attention whores who went on TV for money?

Harvey Dent's got nothin' on these spoilers.

Last week, CJ's random act of kindness landed him a ticket out of the Hall of Beauty and back to the Mansion of Shame. Everyone's shocked that Ashley went home (because pretending like you're collecting money for charity is, like, the cool thing to do) and think it should have been CJ. However, the topic of conversation has once again been shifted back to Chelsea. Not only does Monique think she lacks a heart, she also thinks Chelsea lacks other internal organs such as her brain. Which is ironic, considering she's saying all this stuff without realizing that Chelsea is snooping around the corner.

The challenge this week is pretty straight-forward. They'll be channeling their inner top model by taking some action shots like they're the next Maria Sharapova. They form two groups through the process of natural selection and the rules are explained. Apparently, the team captain of the losing team will automatically go to the Hall of Beauty, joined by the contestant on the losing team with the worst pic. Oh noes!

The producers set up a "rehearsal" bit where they'll get to learn how to play basketball. Which, if the contestants thought about it long enough, they'll realize is ludicrous because everyone knows how to dribble a ball. Regardless, it's more or less a ruse for the hidden camera challenge. While one team is rehearsing, the other team is getting fitted for their slutty sports clothes. They've hired an actress to pose as the wardrobe lady, who is apparently having the worst day of her life (and I'm going out on a limb by saying it has nothing to do with the cheating boyfriend and more to do with the spoiled brats).

Team Primate: Chelsea, CJ (cap'n), Ray, and Monique are first up in the hot seat. The dramatic wardrobe lady starts her crying act, and not surprisingly CJ takes the bait. You think he's figured out the show's devious intentions? Mo and Chelsea are the epitome of ladylike with their respective burps and luggies.

Team Neanderthal: Consisting of Joel (aye aye), Julia, Billy, and Laura, this team is decidedly less caring than the others. While Team Primate did nothing to console the wardrobe lady, Team Neanderthal actually talked smack about her behind her back. Julia "passed" by casually asking if she was OK, but it was a stretch. I'd call it passing with a D average.

The next day is the photo shoot, and even though CJ has hurt himself, the show must go on. First up is Team Neanderthal, who do a good job at looking pretty but are decidedly way more flaky than Team Primate. Team Primate's captain CJ can't keep his friggin' mouth shut long enough for his teammates to take a decent picture, while his picture makes him look like a limp noodle. That's what she said.

"Wow. This is, like, totally hard work. OMG, let's have a Toga party!" We take a break from the usual cattiness to watch some typical reality show debauchery, complete with nakedness, alcohol, lap dances, and Truth or Dare. Now, back to the competition.

Cjmiller_truebeauty_240 The judges show up to reveal the winner. Nolé loves Neanderthals, Cheryl hates Primates. We have a winner, and it's the Neanderthals. That means CJ is in the bottom two. Then, they reveal that Monique is being sent to the Hall of Beauty too. Say what? Chelsea definitely had the worst picture, but hey, she makes good TV. Mo has nothing better to do than cry a lot and sling around her suitcase. She's pretty sure she's a goner. In the words of Nelson Muntz: "HA-HA."

CJ has done a 180 after his jeans and t-shirt debacle of last week and has dusted off the debonair suit. He's looking fly, I gotta say. Mo's also looking boobalicious in her little black dress. For the last hidden challenge, Mo and CJ will have to decide whether to pick up an empty water bottle that some sloppy dude throws in their path. Let's see if CJ can go two for two in the final hidden camera challenge.

Inside, Vanessa asks them both to give a speech as to why they should stay. Monique wins the Razzie award for best waterworks, insisting that she should stay so she can show America how beautiful she is. CJ rambles on and on about inner beauty, and once again we worry that CJ has figured out the ruse. Either way, he's safe. Monique is going home tonight.

Mo doesn't seem terribly surprised by the whole hidden camera thing. She sees her deplorable behavior and tries her best to defend it. The straw that broke the camel's back was the littering thing... she didn't even glance at the bottle, while CJ actually picked it up and threw it away. Mo insists that she's not normally mean, but that she was just trying to "fit in" and jumped on the bandwagon. Yeah, that's what the Nazis said.

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