Zsa Zsa Gabor: The last woman on earth who should be a new mother

You know who shouldn't have babies? Recently one-legged 94-year-olds who, after spending a year in the tabloids for barely clinging to life, have the lowest imaginable payout in the celebrity death pool.

In short, Zsa Zsa Gabor should not have a baby. And, by even the most misconstrued definition of motherhood, she most certainly won't. But that hasn't stopped her husband, 67-year-old Prince Frederic von Anhalt (aka: Archduke Franz Krazypants), from telling random media outlets that they're actively pursuing ways to have a child.

"It was always my wife's dream for us to have a child," von Anhalt tells Showbiz Spy, "and even though we won't be using any of her eggs, she would be thrilled to know I'm going through with this."

No, unless they've been persevered in fossilized amber next to velociraptor blood, he obviously won't be using one of her eggs. And since he's also insinuating that he hasn't attempted or been able to communicate his intentions to his wife, we're inclined to take her out of the equation entirely.

Which leads us to our next point: For the love of god, nobody give this man an egg or a womb to house it.

The Prince (whose name carries as much royal weight as the Minneapolis-born musician of the same name) has created an atmosphere so desperate for attention and lacking in class around his slowly disintegrating wife, its surprising there hasn't been any formal intervention from whatever small branch of social services protects aging celebutantes.

"I hope Zsa Zsa is going to hang around for awhile," he's also reported to have said. "I want her to see and hold the baby's hand. She will be a mother again at 95! It was her wish to have a boy."

It was probably also her wish to die with a modicum of dignity, but her husband prematurely christened that ship and sent it on a one-way voyage into the muddy waters of tabloid fodder a long time ago.
Photo/Video credit: Vanity Fair